WWE.com’s RAW report for August 3, 2009
UNCASVILLE, Conn. – Jeremy Piven has a thing for entrances. The three-time Emmy Award winner, star of the hit HBO series Entourage and leading man in the upcoming comedy The Goods: Live Hard, Sell Hard, Piven has always known how to wow an audience, and his first foray as Raw’s celebrity guest host at the Mohegan Sun Casino & Resort proved no exception.
During Piven’s reign, WWE even unveiled a new feature: WWE e-Vote, which allows the WWE Universe to have their voices heard during the live Monday Night Raw broadcast.
John Cena def. The Miz in a Lumberjack Match
Jeremy Piven and Dr. Ken Jeong may be hilarious actors, but they’re not much for facing down insidious Superstars who can easily put them in traction. Perhaps that’s why, after a confrontation with WWE Champion Randy Orton earlier, Piven chose to make all the lumberjacks in the night’s main event unfriendly faces for the 12 Rounds star. It was a treacherous situation for Cena, but for Miz, a loss meant he would be banned from SummerSlam as well as from Monday Night Raw.
You’ll forgive Cena for not caring. After a roller coaster of a match, Cena finally managed to pin Miz for the win. After he did, though, Orton & The Legacy got hold of him, pummeling him and leaving him prone on the mat. That’s when Piven and Dr. Ken got the crazy notion to make their marks, too.
Piven climbed the ropes to jump on Cena only to have the massive Superstar catch him in mid-air and use him as a human bludgeon to knock down several lumberjacks. Then Dr. Ken came after Cena with a cane. Big mistake. The former Champ tossed Dr. Ken over the ropes onto another group of lumberjacks. While the two Hollywood heavyweights did stellar work with guest hosting duties, it’s safe to say they should probably stick to their day jobs.
United States Champion Kofi Kingston def. Unified Tag Team Champion Big Show by disqualification
When Chris Jericho sat down at commentary, things were bound to go wrong for United States Champion Kofi Kingston. As Jericho yapped away, Kingston battled Jericho’s tag team partner, the always formidable Big Show, for the United States Championship. As the match progressed, however, Show couldn’t help himself. The World’s Largest Athlete relentlessly brutalized Kofi despite warnings from the referee, causing the 7-footer to get disqualified. Showing little regard for rules, referees or, frankly, anything but his own blind rage, Show continued to demolish the U.S. Champion long after the match had ended.
“Mark-swoggle” def. Chavo Guerrero
After nagging Jeremy Piven earlier in the night, Chavo Guerrero got his wish – to fight Hornswoggle one-on-one. Hey, Chavo, be careful what you wish for. The self-proclaimed “Mexican Warrior” waited in the ring only to discover that, in the words of Piven, Hornswoggle wouldn’t be able to fight, but they had arranged for a substitute: “Mark-swoggle.” Unfortunately for Chavo, “Mark-swoggle” looked a lot like The World’s Strongest Man, Mark Henry, in a Hornswoggle cap. Once Chavo had been sufficiently pummeled, “Mark-swoggle” retrieved Hornswoggle from under the ring to administer a Tadpole Splash on the hapless Chavo.
Carlito def. Primo (PHOTOS | WATCH)
After weeks of bad blood between Carlito and his brother Primo, the two were destined to settle matters in the ring. With Carlito having attacked baby bro, even going so far as to spit an apple in his face, their sibling rivalry seemed inevitable. While the Boriqua Brothers put up a memorable fight, it was big bro Carlito who proved too tough to beat once he nailed the Backstabber for the win.
The Legacy def. Triple H in a 2-on-1 Handicap Match (PHOTOS | WATCH)
Triple H has proven himself one of the most dominant forces in all WWE history. But even The Game can come up short when facing down two of WWE’s meteoric, young Superstars. After tiring of the interference from Cody Rhodes & Ted DiBiase, Triple H hoped to take them both down in one fell swoop. Instead, The Legacy worked seamlessly to batter The Game, each hitting their most lethal moves before laying out their opponent for the victory.
Afterward, The Game wondered aloud if he needed to make a phone call to get a partner, then told Rhodes & DiBiase, “If you’re not down with that, I’ve got two words for you!”
Beth Phoenix & Jillian def. Divas Champion Mickie James & Gail Kim (PHOTOS | WATCH)
Beth Phoenix showed just why she can never be forgotten when it comes to Diva dominance. The Glamazon teamed with Jillian to take on the newly minted Divas Champion Mickie James & Gail Kim. Phoenix displayed her considerable power by taking down the impressive Kim as Mickie looked on.
Piven arranged a title match between United States Champion Kofi Kingston and Big Show
As Raw celebrity guest host Jeremy Piven joked with Dr. Ken Jeong in his temporary office, an angry Big Show entered to complain about the coverage of his confrontation last week with Shaquille O’Neal. The World’s Largest Athlete wanted to redeem himself by facing Piven himself in the ring. The savvy actor, however, placated the mammoth monster by instead arranging a title match between Show and United States Champion Kofi Kingston.
Jack Swagger def. Evan Bourne
After Evan Bourne defeated him last week in a “Beat the Clock” Match and cost him his opportunity to be No. 1 contender for the WWE Championship, Jack Swagger appeared revved to go in their rematch this week. “The All-American American” not only defeated the high-flyer, he tore into him after the ending bell. That is, until MVP stepped up to save Bourne and end Swagger’s senseless carnage.
Raw celebrity guest host Jeremy Piven arranged a Lumberjack Match between The Miz and John Cena
Piven and his associate, Dr. Ken Jeong, who also stars in The Goods and the comedy The Hangover, impressed the crowd at the Mohegan Sun Casino & Resort when they rolled into the arena in a blinging, blue Trans Am. As the two Hollywood heavyweights addressed the Raw faithful, Hollywood bantamweight The Miz interrupted. The self-centered Superstar asked – no, demanded! – that Piven arrange a rematch between him and John Cena, after his loss last week.
Cena, also a man who knows how to please a crowd, did not disappoint. He came to the ring to accept Miz’s challenge. And just to thicken the plot, Piven then announced that the bout would be a Lumberjack Match. Not only that, if Miz were to lose, he wouldn’t be allowed to compete at SummerSlam and would be banned from L.A.’s Staples Center. Oh, and it gets worse for the faux-hawked farce. If he drops the match to Cena, he’ll also be banned from Monday Night Raw.